Dear Kay,
Another super rare totally awesome lazy day at work today. I'm counting down the hours (two and a half) until home time, and my four day weekend. How fabulously awesome.
I came to a slightly disconcerting realisation the other day, after having dinner at Angie's. She cooked a roast and it was very grownup, and I suppose you should probably get some of the credit for the fact that the dinner was freaking delicious. Anyway, I realised on my way to work the next morning that all of my friends are in happy, stable relationships right now. There was a time when the whole lot of us were single and a bit sad, but not at the moment. Angie and Simon have been living together for a few months and seem to be going pretty well, Katie and Matt are adorable together and totally disgusting, and this week have just moved in together. And Anita's been going with her girl for a while now and from what I can gather, things are pretty good there, too. All these people living together and being grown ups! And me, too, in a happy little relationship with Squidge. So weird.
I was also the last one to couple up, and so my relationship is the least serious out of everyone else's, but I don't think it'll stay that way. Which is good.
I was talking to Katie about Matt the other day, actually. Because of her broken engagement and all that crap that happened a few years ago, she's since been pretty phobic about relationships. She's been a total girl player in fact, the second a guy's gotten even an inch too close she's dumped them, refused to return their calls, and pretended they didn't exist. One guy got the inside of both of his lips tattooed for her, and still nothing. Of course I'm not condoning that behaviour, that's freakin insane, but that's just what I mean about guys really, REALLY, wanting to be with her. Damn her.
Anyway. Now she's with Matt and it's good and they're living together. It took her a really long time to be ok with that, and she said the day she moved in she freaked out a bit, but otherwise good. She thinks they're going to be together forever, and will probably get married and have kids, and I asked her if that freaked her out and she said no. That it was actually kind of nice, and she wasn't worried because she knew she was with the right person. And I said, oh.
Maybe it's just too early for me to be thinking that way about Squidge, but I don't feel that way. Not that he's not the right person for me, because he is, but the idea of being with one person forever still gives me the heebies. I found her confidence that everything would be ok both refreshing and bizarre. Good for her.
I do think that Squidge and I will get to that point eventually. But I don't know, I don't know.
Should just stop thinking about it, and just enjoy the moments I have with him for what they are. And mostly I do, it's just when I'm at work and bored that I start over analysing everything.
Hopefully I'll see Squidge tonight. I went out for a quick bite to eat with him and Simon last night, but it was only about an hour and afterwards he went back to his phD. Which is cool, it needs to be done. But I do want to see him at least a little bit on my four days off, and I'm hoping to get him to the pool or beach. While it's still hot, and I have nothing else to do, and I can splash around a bit. Fingers crossed.
And I miss you.
--K.
